Preventing Meltdowns using Emotional Intelligence

Meltdowns. AKA tantrums, episodes and outbursts are unfortunately a fact of kid life. Sorry mum and dad! There’s virtually no avoiding them all together. (But, without the tough times, how could we recognise the good ones?) Even so, having a go-to strategy to implement when you’re little one – or not-so-little one – is becoming upset, is a god send in those hair-raising, teeth clenching moments.

I am excited to share this tried and tested method that I’ve been using in my practice with kids for ten years. It’s simply: the Thermometer. So darn powerful. It’s a concept, an activity, a printable worksheet and discussion prompt all in one. For younger kids a visual or tangible form is really helpful. Older kids can understand the concept through just careful discussion.

Firstly, I open a conversation with the kids about how we can use this Thermometer to help us know how we are feeling and what we can do to calm down if we need. The Thermometer is separated into three vertical sections.

The bottom third is coloured green and might even have a number 1 on it. I describe how when we are in the green zone, or at number 1 (whatever you and your kids choose to call it), we feel:

·      Happy

·      Calm

·      Focused

·      Peaceful

·      and if it’s used in classrooms, ready for learning.

The middle section is yellow and numbered 2. Someone who’s in this zone might feel a bit:

·      Nervous

·      Worried

·      Silly

·      Excited

·      Frustrated

Notice how these emotions are both positive and negative ones. This is often a point of discussion with the kids about what might cause them to feel one way or another. If we are using a printable sheet and colouring or decorating it, I then help the kids to write next to the yellow zone a few calming strategies. ‘What’s something you like to do that you can do or get, to help you move back into the green zone?’ It might be listening to music, getting a drink, having a hug, writing in a journal, doing a sudoku, etc. I’m always careful to let the kids choose these as they have to be personalised to be effective! In the past I’ve had to refrain from suggesting wine and cheese, but you know… 

The top section, red and 3. You can see where this is going. So the feelings here might be:

·      Crazy

·      Angry

·      Really upset

·      Out of control

·      Fuming

·      Ecstatic

Again, there are positive and negative emotions here. When you’re bouncing off the walls with excitement because you’re at a party – that’s totally ok! It’s appropriate for your body to be buzzing, and to talk in a loud voice. (Reminder that A.L.L. emotions are okay, but not all reactions are!) Strategies in zone 3 are really personalised. Some kids might put ‘leave me alone’, others might want to punch a pillow! A beautiful, healthy discussion can come up here about boundaries and appropriate behaviour. Treat your kid with respect and ask them what they need for those moments where things seem out of control.

As our title says, this is hands down one of our best approaches for preventing a meltdown because it uses a simple scale to help you catch kids when they’re getting upset or frustrated, and using some strategies to bring them back to chill-town.

 You can see that this method can take some practice for kids to really solidify their understanding and want to use it. Some kids get it straight away. Others need it sticking on the fridge and a couple of reminders over the week by mum or dad mentioning it. Over time you might notice your kids pipe up when they are getting a bit silly, and even ask for help with one of their calming strategies.

Final tip: model how you are feeling in the moment, use the terms so the vocabulary becomes familiar. ‘I’m worried because I can’t find my keys and I’m late for work! I’m definitely in the yellow now. Can you help me look for them please?’ Modelling is a fantastic way to teach new skills as kids are such sponges, particularly with mum and dad. Finally, a home run is when they catch themselves, in the moment, are aware of what they are feeling and then find a way to calm themselves down. Good luck!

By Stephanie Pinto

Want more information? I would love to chat to you about really simple, practical strategies you can use with your kids to manage their emotional outbursts. Please feel free to get in touch by using my Contact Form below for a free chat!