Parents, Here's How You Can Support Your Child's Anxiety.

It’s not common knowledge that many kids with anxiety are often born with a more emotional or sensitive type of personality. There are certainly benefits to this personality type, for example, these children are very empathetic, generous and honest. However, there are also definite downsides to having this sensitive personality type. This includes a higher chance of developing emotional difficulties… like anxiety.

As a young person I experienced anxiety myself, which persisted well into my twenties as I had no tools to deal with it. Reflecting now as an adult, having discovered and studied emotional intelligence, I realise just how different those years could have been if I could have dealt with my emotions, in particular, anxiety.

Anxiety is a normal and natural emotion, that keeps us safe. However, a child with diagnosed anxiety (i.e. stronger and more pervasive anxiety than typical) has more frequent negative thoughts about situations, such as “this will be scary, and I won't know how to deal with it”, and also fears that the outcome will be drastic or severe.

So what underpins anxiety?

It’s crucial to know what underpins anxiety in order to know how to treat it, and support your child. These kids often have unrealistic thoughts, expectations and beliefs about situations that provoke their anxiety.

They have ‘errors in thinking’ that either over-estimate a risk that bad things will happen to them, and/or overestimate how bad that thing will be if it does indeed happen. How stressful this is for our kids!!

It can be really debilitating for kids and impact their social life, academic performance, and so on. I suffered anxiety as a teen and young adult, and let me tell you it is so hard to manage when you don’t have any information, support, or strategies.

As parents, what can we DO about it?

The good news is there are some really effective practical ways that we as parents can help our kids manage their anxiety!

Firstly, we can help them to be more aware of their anxious thoughts, and help teach our kids to think more realistically. Anxious thoughts can include things like “people will laugh at me when I do my speech at school.” “I won't be able to cope. And I'll die of embarrassment.”

When we can help our kids be aware of these thoughts that are running around in their head, it then allows them to dissect and challenge them, and change them to something that is more realistic.

For example, “It's okay for me to be nervous doing my speech at school. But, in the past, people actually haven't laughed when I've spoken in class. And I know my speech well. Therefore, I think I'll probably be okay.”

Another really key aspect of helping kids deal with their anxiety is to help children become more confident and not withdraw from situations that would usually provoke anxiety.

Taking small, manageable steps is key.

Giving our kids some strategies to take small steps to achieve a goal, for example, getting in the swimming pool when normally they would not go near it.

We need to gradually start with easy steps, and work towards more difficult ones, and with each step that they achieve rewarding this in some way.

It does not mean we have to buy them toys, spend money or other similar things, it could be simply a special time with mum or dad. Having a friend over on the weekend or choosing what movie to watch on Friday night. Kids are not motivated to address and tackle their fears with intrinsic motivation alone, as adults might be, they need external rewards or praise initially.

Observe how you react to your child’s anxious behaviours.

Another large part of managing kids’ anxiety is looking at how the parents react or respond in the situations to their children. 

Parents have to be able to support their child by practicing new brave skills or brave ways to approach situations, as well as manage their own feelings as parents. It’s common for parents to feel frustration, helplessness, or even anger. 

Also, parents who realise they have some anxious behaviours themselves must also do some work around managing these feelings. This is because our kids pick up on our energy and emotions, and if WE are feeling stressed or nervous when are THEY trying to tackle their anxiety, then this can inhibit the process.

So as parents we want to be modelling brave behaviours as much as possible.

Practical, effective relaxation strategies for ‘in the moment’.

Finally, a truly powerful strategy in reducing anxiety in kids is to teach them some calming and relaxation strategies.

This will help your child to cope in situations where they feel anxiety rising, for example, an increase in heart rate, fast breathing, sweaty palms, etc.

So, please take the time to brainstorm and test out and practice calming strategies with your kids, so that they can use them at the moment. This is so beneficial! 

If you need support, managing your child's anxiety, reach out to a trained health professional in your area. I am trained in anxiety and resilience therapy for families and can work with you regardless of where you live across the globe.

Contact me now to get some support and help you and your child manage their anxiety. We can do this together!