Empathy in Kids: A Core Skill in Emotional Intelligence

Empathy is one of the core skills in kids with high EQ. It’s the ability to sense other people’s feelings and take on their perspective – in other words, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. A deeper, and sometimes more difficult skill is to take this knowledge into account in relationships with others.

It can be easy to spot a child who doesn’t display empathy! It’s the girl who appears to be surprised at another kid’s emotional reaction to something (“Why is she feeling like that?”) It’s the boy who seems to not understand why another kid is really upset and can’t connect the dots as to why the kid feels that way (“What is he so upset about?”) Lacking empathy shows up in kids when they act without considering others’ feelings and come across as indifferent or uncaring. At school, kids without empathy can often get into conflicts and don’t have many friends, in part due to this missing element of thinking about their peers’ needs and wants.

On the other hand, kids who have ‘mastered’ empathy are able to really listen and tune into what other kids are feeling. They seem to take an active interest in other kids, and this really shows up in their relationships. When kids are able to show a sensitivity to what’s not being said, that is high level empathy. Sometimes it’s often not the words we say, but how we say things that matters most. We see kids with empathy skills having a number of friendships that last. They are able to navigate tough periods and conflict – not without difficulty but without giving up altogether.

There are a number of ways that parents can help to nurture empathy in their kids. In my 1-1 EQ coaching I like to talk about how to practice deep listening: “We can hear the words that boy is saying, but if we listen really carefully with our heart, he is telling us other information too”. Books and educational TV shows often have examples that can start a discussion about what kids are really feeling. Model ‘hearing’ the emotions that a person is feeling: “Oh I think it sounds like she’s actually feeling really lonely there, what do you think?”

“Teach older kids active listening - paraphrasing and repeating back what they’ve heard.”

Older kids can also learn active listening – a skill of paraphrasing or repeating back what someone is saying: “Sounds like you’re really excited about your grandma coming to stay”, “So you are a bit nervous about the speech coming up?” These simple acts are so powerful. If you just choose one today that resonate with you as a parent, you can adapt the language and concepts to the age of your child and give it a go today.

By Stephanie Pinto.

Want more information on this or 1-1 EQ coaching? I would love to chat to you about really simple, practical strategies you can use with your kids. Please feel free to get in touch by using my Contact Form below for a free chat!