How to Help Your Child Calm Down (Without Making Them Feel Ignored!)
Isn’t it one of the hardest jobs in the world to help your child stay calm in the midst of a tantrum, or stay cool when they’re about to flip their lid? For us parents, it’s often either a win or lose situation; the wins when you help your child through a tough time are fantastic… and the losses of feeling defeated when your little one is on the floor in a heap can be devastating. I hear you!
It’s a little reprieve to know that there are some super simple, quick strategies you can use that may have just been hiding in plain sight. Helping your child become emotionally intelligent is at the foundation of these strategies, that’s why I love them. Here are my top 3.
1. Strike Whilst the Iron is Cold!
Ok this sounds counter-intuitive, I know. But the meaning and concept behind it is key. Rather than thinking “Ok I’m going to try all this stuff when Sienna has her meltdown” (which by the way is jumping in the deep end!), make sure you talk to your child about his or her feelings during other parts of the day. During car trips, over dinner, or bath time for littlies are great times whilst kids are NOT in the throes of anxiety or anger, and are calm enough to discuss ways their can calm down when needed. This is a basic foundation of emotional intelligence – talking about and becoming aware of emotions. Growing your child’s emotional vocabulary (there are way more words than happy/sad/angry!). And playing with ideas on how to stay calm that might resonate with them.
2. Put the Ball in Their Court
Possibly one of the most powerful strategies that can be used for kids of all ages – preschool to young adults. This is also one for in-the-moment situations. When things seem like they are almost out of control. Sometimes kids need their space, when they’re in the ‘red zone’ it seems like all is lost. However – I am here to say that you as a parent will know whether they are receptive to talking to you or not. If they aren’t, tell them you’ll take care of them and let them ride it out, and will be right here (in the next room, etc) when they’re ready. If they are able to communicate with you – put the ball in their court. Do this by saying ‘Let me know what I need to do to support you right now’. You’re effectively giving them the reigns. Sometimes as parents we think we know what they need (‘Calm down’, ‘Take deep breaths’, ‘Go and relax in your room’), but maybe we don’t. Put your own emotional intelligence skills to use and allow yourself to be no. 2, put the ball in their court and they just might surprise you.
“Let me know what I need to do to support you right now.”
3. Use Visual Supports
What are these you ask? Visual supports refer to any graphics, images, posters, cards or the like that help support your child’s emotional intelligence and in turn ways to stay calm when things are going off. I personally like affirmation cards and stones for kids that have positive messages on them, such as ‘I’ve got this’, ‘Grateful’, ‘Keep Cool’. For younger kids, posters or cards with emoji and thermometer style graphics are great, as they can be used by the children themselves to help identify how they’re feeling – silly, happy, scared, or in the green, yellow, red zone. Visual supports are known to support both a person’s receptive and expressive language skills (ability to understand and communicate with others).
By Stephanie Pinto.
Are you struggling with managing your children’s behaviour, or want support in helping them deal with their emotions? I’d love you to get in touch by using the Contact Form below!